A poignant and honest outpouring. This is such a difficult subject to grasp. If someone is under some spell and can't shake it, whether chems or just rough times and cortisol, or just being done...some people are just over whatever this is...I think we walk the line between momentum and elbows on knees at the top of a hill and simply tired. He sounds like a spirit that the world could have used...a beacon, a smile that manifests smiles in others...but, maybe he wasn't getting enough back? I don't know. Life and death...purpose, how to survive...it's a shame...an A-list smile is something I long for from the people I encounter in a day...I hope you remember his for a long time.
Regret is the mask of not understanding…I think we take things on…as regret…for things we have no control over, but we think maybe we should have, but that is something that we think about most parts of our own lives. Let alone someone else’s. By mismatch do you mean the head fake of him being so vibrant but having this lurking? If so, I think often about who I am outward vs inward…what I project vs how I’m always confused…that’s probably normal, but I don’t know jack…that’s going on my stone…’I made it this far not knowing shit’.
Ha...tbh...I have no idea...do I want to be one person? Maybe. Would I have a job, maybe not. I'd be Bukowski...but, I have a kid, and I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with that. Wake, try, find a smile, hope I sleep, repeat...die whenever it's time.
Thank you for your deep understanding. I know you can't necessarily prevent it and yet there is regret. But I also understand. It's very sad. Esp if the outside doesn't match up.
A poignant and honest outpouring. This is such a difficult subject to grasp. If someone is under some spell and can't shake it, whether chems or just rough times and cortisol, or just being done...some people are just over whatever this is...I think we walk the line between momentum and elbows on knees at the top of a hill and simply tired. He sounds like a spirit that the world could have used...a beacon, a smile that manifests smiles in others...but, maybe he wasn't getting enough back? I don't know. Life and death...purpose, how to survive...it's a shame...an A-list smile is something I long for from the people I encounter in a day...I hope you remember his for a long time.
Not especially but more like it's esp shocking when a mismatch
Regret is the mask of not understanding…I think we take things on…as regret…for things we have no control over, but we think maybe we should have, but that is something that we think about most parts of our own lives. Let alone someone else’s. By mismatch do you mean the head fake of him being so vibrant but having this lurking? If so, I think often about who I am outward vs inward…what I project vs how I’m always confused…that’s probably normal, but I don’t know jack…that’s going on my stone…’I made it this far not knowing shit’.
Ha I love that. The tombstone be tombing. Do you strive to match the inside and outside better? Maybe that gap is good.
Ha...tbh...I have no idea...do I want to be one person? Maybe. Would I have a job, maybe not. I'd be Bukowski...but, I have a kid, and I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with that. Wake, try, find a smile, hope I sleep, repeat...die whenever it's time.
We can be bukowski buddies
Thank you for your deep understanding. I know you can't necessarily prevent it and yet there is regret. But I also understand. It's very sad. Esp if the outside doesn't match up.
This essay is stirring. I am sorry for your loss.
I appreciate that/you.